conversation with the fat girl

confusion. depression. sadness. anger.

i don't even know what i'm feeling right now.

sometimes when i have to much free time in hand, this happens. i OVER think things. don't get me wrong. thinking is good and i think alot. my thoughts hop from one to the next and it usually ends up connected to a person. hence, the entry "who misses you today?" ok. maybe that was because i was really missing my friends. yeah.

so anyways.

i'm still having this feeling and this thoughts are hanging around me. i'm seriously not liking any of this.

change. everybody changes. for the good, bad, either way and anyway they change. i'm trying to change for the better myself but i'm not sure if i'm doing much improvement at it, you be the judge of it. but i have noticed that lately i've been super cranky and impatient and throwing tantrums left and right for the past 7 months. i don't know why. just so much hatred and anger that was within me. there wasn't a way for me to let it all out slowly but being pissed at my loved ones, my family. i'm so sorry about that. i never meant for that. i guess i just sort of lost all the patience that's left in me. well maybe there's still a bit left. i wouldn't be here if there was none. ish.

i think i don't like changes. i mean if it is upon me, i would think i'm fine with it or i would find away around it but upon others or relatively people close to my heart, it would be really hard for me to accept. my heart seems to understand but my head seems to not want to listen. 

i want things to go my way. 

i want it according to my script.  

i want it that way. 

i like it that way.

but things change. things HAVE to change.

and i don't like that.

you have your priorities, i have mine. 

we go separate ways.

that's not good.

what ever happen to living togather happily ever after?

what happened to wanting a family and kids and being rich and famous?

ok. the rich and famous part is just me. a girl can dream you know.pfft!

i don't know what's gonna happen the next few months let alone next few years down the road. only God knows. its all up to Him.

well it is called FATE and DESTINY and yeah.all that sort.

i pray and pray and will keep on praying for the best of both worlds.

i think i'm going through a state of depression.

i feel utterly sad and fat and ugly and nothing is gonna change that fact for now.

urgh.

tears.

make them stop.

*sigh*

maybe a good cry will do me some good.

its been a while eh?

yeah.

urgh! 

i feel like screaming!

i feel like running away!
i feel like destroying something!

i feel so devastated!

i feel like shopping.

ok. that doesn't relate to anything but that makes me happy.

shopping and malls make me happy

but i'm broke.

now i'm starting to get pissed.

*sigh*

bitter heart

this entry is so emo.

*sigh*

make it stop. make it go away please?

xoxo